Tuesday, October 28, 2008

What I'm really feeling

I'm short tempered.

I'm easily frustrated.

I'm mad at the injustice of the world.

I'm dreading next Tuesday.

I really don't want to vote at all.

I'm tired of looking at gas prices and not being happy about them because I know it means that thousands upon thousands of people are losing money and the economy is in the crapper.

I'm just all jumbled up.

I'm just tired of my body doing things I wish it wouldn't do.

I'm thinking tonight about the woman at "Mr. Wok" at the food court on vacation and how I really felt like I wanted to crawl across the counter and beat the crap out of her.

I'm thinking about why that even bugged me and how embarrassed my kids must have been.

I'm wishing 35 didn't mean kidney stones, fibroid tumors, going on the pill and root canals.

I'm sick of people in my life that judge me based on my personality and don't like the fact that I'm not who THEY want me to be.....

I'm thinking of Chlobug and Lulabear in those Target carts when they were 2 and 4, sipping frozen cherry drinks and eating popcorn with their little feet propped up on pampers ultra packs and me walking around feeling like the luckiest girl in the world....I miss that time...

I'm tired of having a crappy day and that it can't ever end with an hour at Target or Walmart with a cup of T Ho's and Beth.

I have no T Ho's and I have no Beth.

I'm feeling like I have been back for only one single solitary day and I am wishing life could stop and I could go back on vacation.

I am nervous and dreading this concert I am going to give.

I know I'm doing it for those poor little girls in Cambodia. But I am going to be in front of people, them staring at me for an entire hour....I hope they like what I've picked to sing.

I'm tired of the sick pit in my stomach I get thinking about this concert. It's a big step for me. It's kinda like running a marathon. It makes me super nervous and I feel like I'll be awkward up there.

I'm scared that there will be more than 1000 people there. What will I say?

Just think about those poor little girls and raising 10,000 dollars. I want to raise 10, 000 dollars to help get those sweet 7 year olds out of brothels.

I am thinking of those sweet little girls, and I'm kind of over the rest of this crap.

I'm going to bed.


katie October 28, 2008 at 8:30 PM  

first of all..you have to get popcorn and a cherry drink at target.

2nd..post vacation let down, exacerbated by actual problems.

your voice has never been anything other than BUTTER, even when you are crying and singing:)

the reality...you are good enough, even if your insides are doing the ELAINE dance.

i hope you sleep well. just say fuck a lot...and watch this video on you tube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O5wnm5cRWeg..

rae October 29, 2008 at 5:04 AM  

The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak!.....those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint! Isaiah 40:28-31

Heather, I read your blog, then aftewards this is what I read for my devotions. It seemed appropriate to share. He will give those little girls strength!

Kim October 29, 2008 at 6:29 AM  

Would just love to sit and hear you sing for an hour.


Krista October 29, 2008 at 11:10 AM  

totally post vacation let down. just go with it, it will pass. i SO wish i could come up and hear you sing!

...and i'm with katie, saying fuck always makes me feel better. except last night when i was actually yelling at God and was like WHAT THE FUCK?! (see things can always be worse right?!) but i apologized and we're totally cool now.